


Without Flinching

by Fanatic_weirdo



Series: Lightwood-Bane Family [7]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is hurt but he's okay, Angry Son, Angst with a Happy Ending, Family Feels, Guilty son, Hurt, M/M, No Character Death, happy ending eventually, sad husband, they're married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-03 08:10:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13337037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanatic_weirdo/pseuds/Fanatic_weirdo
Summary: Alec is hurt during a hunt while protecting Rafael. He's healed by Max and Magnus but he's not waking up. The family struggles as Alec lays unconscious.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I will be updating a chapter a day until it's finished. I don't own anything. Thank you Cristin!!!

“Did I say you couldn’t go,” Alec asked as he and Rafael gathered weapons. “No,” he answers his own question, not giving his son a chance to argue, “I said you and Chris are to stay back unless we need you.” Alec continued as his 14-year-old scowled at being demoted just because it was Alec and Jace going with him and Chris. 

“We don’t need to be put on the sidelines. Are you doing this because I’m your son or are you—” 

Alec turned sharply to Rafael, effectively cutting him off with the look he gave.

“I am doing this because you need to learn patience,” he stated. 

Rafael gritted his teeth, knowing not to push the Head of the Institute any more. Because despite Alec’s calm tone, Rafael could hear his tolerance was wearing thin. 

“Now go finish getting ready,” Alec said as he headed back to his office quickly. 

Once they were ready, Alec, Jace, Rafael and Chris headed to where the demon had been located. Alec and Jace joked and laughed as they walked, the Parabati glad to be out together, as more often than not Jace’s 1 year old and Alec’s responsibilities as Head of the Institute kept them on different patrol schedules. Chris understood being told to stay back; Alec and Jace had been doing this for decades, so it made sense that he and Rafael were there for backup and learning opportunities. Plus, since Alec became immortal two years before, the brothers, though perhaps not even consciously, saw this as memories to leave Alec with when Jace was gone. If there was ever someone that made Alec hesitate about his choice to join in his husband in eternity, it was Jace. In the end, Alec knew he’d survived Jace’s death once and he would again, but the time Magnus was dragged to Edom had nearly killed the dark haired Shadowhunter. Jace never blamed or was upset with Alec; he’d seen what Magnus had done for Alec, and he could never deny his brother happiness forever. 

“Has Jace ever told you guys the story about the time I saved his ass from the nest of Raveners Demons,” Alec asked with a grin that made him seem younger than Chris had ever seen him outside of the home he shared with his husband. 

Chris had spent the night with Rafael for the first time when he was 9 and Rafael was 10 and he had expected the stoic, serious leader to stay that way at home. He’d been shocked when Alec had been the one laughing the hardest and smiling the widest and making jokes and funny comments. The Lightwood-Bane home had become Chris and Cole’s (once he got away from his parents) hang out spot. Of course at work it was all business, but when they were at their apartment Alec was the coolest adult any of them knew. 

“Which time,” Rafael asked, dodging a playful hit from Jace as the four chuckled.

“That is a very good point,” Alec agreed, moving out of the way of another attempt from Jace. “There are so many to choose from,” Alec laughed when Jace failed to retaliate again. “Ooh you’re getting rusty! Maybe Rafael and Chris should take lead with me,” Alec teased. 

“Oh you think so? Okay when we get back, meet me in the training room. I’ll show you how ‘rusty’ I am,” Jace challenged. Alec held out his hand, which Jace shook with a mischievous grin.

“You know there is a demon to take care of, right,” Rafael said, even though he was smiling along with them. 

Jace rolled his eyes, “God, could you be any more this loser’s son,” his uncle pouted while Alec let out a soft laugh. 

Rafael puffed up his chest, “I’ll take that a compliment because it was you that said it.” Rafael said with one eyebrow raised, a smirk on his face. 

Alec laughed smugly and playfully stuck his tongue out at Jace. “He loves me more,” he said in a sing-song tone. 

Jace and Chris rolled their eyes. Everyone knew there was no one Rafael thought more of than Alec. They didn’t always agree; they fought often, but mostly because they were so similar. In the end, though, there wasn’t anything Rafael wouldn’t do for his father. 

Suddenly there was a sound from the alley and they all went into full Shadowhunter mode. 

“Take the third floor,” Alec motioned to the younger two. Chris nodded but Rafael paused. “Rafael, we need arrow coverage. Now go,” Alec ordered. Rafael scowled but turned and obeyed. Alec watched him leave before shaking his head as he turned back to Jace. Jace had a small smirk on his face,

“What?” Alec asked, knowing his brother had something smart ass to say.

“Nothing,” Jace lied turning towards the alley. 

Alec rolled his eyes, “Mmhmm,” he said as he followed. 

“I would just think you’d be used to having to deal with working with someone who doesn’t always agree with you,” Jace claimed with a wink. 

Alec sighed heavily, “You would think. But it’s different with Rafe. It’s like he’s trying to prove a point; with you, it was just stupidity.” 

“Hey!” Jace cried, unable to physically retaliate because they needed their balance in case a demon attacked. 

There was another sound and both brothers froze, looking around carefully. As something appeared out of Alec’s right eye, an arrow went through its head and he disintegrated. 

“Nice one, Rafe,” Jace called as Alec looked up with a grin to see Rafael still holding his bow and a new arrow aimed where the demon had been. Rafael lowered the bow slightly when he saw Alec beaming up at him. He nodded while Alec nodded back proudly. 

Then suddenly there were seven more demons around Jace and Alec. 

“Oh yes! Now it’s a hunt!” Jace cheered, turning his back so he and Alec were back to back and not exposed. 

“You need to get out more,” Alec said as he lunged and stabbed the one closest to him as arrows fell from Rafael’s raised position. “This kid is going to be Head of the Institute before I’m ready to give it up,” Alec said with a chuckle as Jace killed another demon. 

“Oh yeah, he’s already giving you a run for your money in the bow department,” Jace responded, slashing into another demon that tried to come at him from behind.

From above, Rafael and Chris kept close watch over the older Shadowhunters, providing long range cover when needed. Both boys were itching to get down there, Rafe especially. He shot another arrow into a demon that was coming towards his father. Where did it come from? He looked past his dad and uncle and noticed—

“Shit!” Rafael cried as he saw another six demons come. “We gotta get down there,” Rafael threw his bow on his shoulder and turned. 

Chris grabbed his arm, “Not until Alec or Jace give the order.” 

Rafael pulled his arm away, “What, you want us to sit up here and watch my dad and uncle get killed?” Rafael asked before turning and heading down the stairs. 

Chris huffed in annoyance; Rafael may be his best friend but that didn’t mean he had to always agree with the guy. He thought Rafael needed to listen more and that he needed to think before he acted, but Chris would follow him into fire if that’s what it came to. So he followed Rafael down the stairs, and he knew he’d get in as much trouble as Rafael would, but that didn’t stop him. 

“Get back upstairs!” Alec yelled when he saw the two boys. 

“Nope!” Rafael yelled as he and Chris got into the same position as Alec and Jace and began fighting the demons alongside them. 

“Damnit,” Alec muttered even as he moved back to kill the next demon. There was a part of him that knew they needed the backup, that they hadn’t expected there to be so many in this nest, but Rafael and Chris were 14 and 13. And they were Rafael and Chris, which meant Alec’s focus was now split, even though the two younger Shadowhunters were holding their own, taking down demons just as quickly as Jace and Alec, though perhaps not as smoothly without the years of experience. 

“Oh son of a bitch!” Jace cried as eight more appeared just when they had gotten it down to two. 

Chris and Rafael fought rhythmically, training together since they were 8 and 9. They were killing demons with their swords and axes, twisting and turning in unity. 

“Chris! On your right!” Alec called before killing two demons at once. Chris spun around and killed the demon Alec had seen first. 

Chris was important to all the Lightwood-Banes. Chris was Max’s first (and only) crush and Rafael’s first friend. He had never treated Rafael like he was weird for being quieter when they first met, for not being able to take off his shoes unless he was in his own bedroom, for eating more quickly and desperately than the others. For Max, he’d told the blue boy that his horns were the coolest things ever. The Warlock had fallen in love with the redheaded boy at the age of 6 and that love had not faded in the slightest. Both Alec and Magnus knew Chris was going to be in their sons’ lives a long time. And that he’d break Max’s heart in one way or another. 

“Take that you bastards!” Rafael cried chuckling as the last demon fell. 

Alec sighed softly and his eyes searched the other three for any injuries. Thank the Angel, he found not even a scratch. He finally turned to his son, a slight scowl on his face.

“You ever gonna learn to listen to me, kiddo,” Alec asked causally. He wasn’t angry—his kid was fine—but he had to admit he was annoyed.

“You ever gonna learn to trust me, Dad,” Rafael retorted. 

Rafael didn’t miss the look his dad gave him. He knew it well: his jaw clenched, shoulders squared, eyes narrowed, looking him right in his own eyes. Rafael has been getting that look quite a bit lately. It read: ‘unimpressed’, ‘unhappy’. Rafael was unmoved.

“Oh come on,” Rafael said with a sigh, “I helped get the demons. Dad, admit it! You needed us! And we were good! You know I know what I’m doing!” 

Rafael turned his back on the other three when suddenly a snarl alerted them to one they’d missed. The lizard like demon lunged at Rafael.

“Rafe!” Alec screamed before jumping forward, pushing Rafael out of the way and onto the ground. The demon’s claws plunged directly into Alec’s collarbone and sternum. Alec’s eyes widened in pain and shock. 

“DAD!” Rafael yelled as he realized what happened. The demon exploded, Chris holding the sword as he stared in horror as Alec gurgled, blood coming out of his mouth. “Oh God, Dad,” Rafael whimpered. Jace quickly drew a portal rune, his jaw set firmly even as his eyes shone with worry. Rafael climbed ungracefully to his feet, tears streaming down his face. Alec’s eyes found Rafael who ran around in front of Alec, panic etched all over his face. Rafael saw relief fill his father’s eyes at seeing him unharmed, just before they closed and he collapsed to the ground. 

Rafael lunged forward to pick him up, but Jace got there first and picked up his brother, carrying him through the portal without looking back. Chris looked at Rafael who was swaying slightly in shock. Rafael was starting at the wall Alec had been standing next to when the demon attacked him. It was splattered in blood; Alec’s blood. Chris pulled Rafael to his feet and pushed him gently towards the portal. 

“Did I just kill my father,” Rafe asked, his voice shaking.

Chris looked back at the spot Alec had fallen. Without answering his friend, he took him through the portal, feeling the pressure as it closed behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They bring Alec to the infirmary at the brink of death. Max heals him until Magnus can get there. Max blames his brother for putting their dad is in this situation. And that's okay with Rafael, he blames himself as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as promised :D Chapter 3 will be up tomorrow! Still don't own anyone other than Chris!

Max grinned at the portal that was opening in the infirmary as he helped Izzy. He’d asked to train with her here that day when he found out that both his dad and brother were going to be out on the same hunt. He wanted to be the first to greet them when they came back in case either of them needed any healing. When the portal opened, he looked up. Most teams always came into the infirmary from hunts, just in case, so it didn’t alarm Max. That is until he saw his limp father in his uncle’s arm. 

“Dad!” Max yelped, jumping to his feet, running to Alec’s side. “Oh fuck!” 

Perhaps had the situation not been so grim, Jace or Izzy might have scolded the 12-year-old. Max threw his hand over Alec’s wound as he sobbed, pushing blue magic into him. His healing magic was almost a royal blue, since, unlike Magnus, it was his strong suit. Jace was panting, his hand on his side, protectively clutching his Parabati rune. Izzy stood at his side, clutching his other hand, feeling helpless as she watched her nephew desperately try to save his father, tears falling down her face. Rafael was standing next to Chris who had his arms around his waist as if Chris was holding him on his feet. Rafael was pale, tears cleaning the dirt off his face and leaving trails on his cheek.

“Magnus,” Chris said as he watched Max focused so hard on Alec that Chris knew Max would literally die before he stopped healing his father. Izzy and Jace looked at him, dazed. “Someone has to call Magnus,” Chris ordered, his ability to keep his head during pressure paying off. Jace still looked disoriented, like he wasn’t entirely sure where he was or what he was meant to be doing. Izzy, however, shook herself out of the shock and nodded, quickly sending a text message. 

Fifteen minutes had passed and Max pulled every bit of magic he could find in his entire body, going deep into his very soul to send it into his father, pleading with his magic to save him. The poison in Alec’s blood was putting up a really good fight. When Jace had walked out of that portal with Alec it felt as if Max’s entire world was collapsing. What was his Papa going to do without his Dad? What was he going to do without his Dad? He could feel his body shaking with desperation and his magic draining, but he refused to give up; he couldn’t give up, Alec wouldn’t have given up. 

Max was swaying and Chris could see it. He wanted to help Max, but Rafael was leaning on him. “Come on, buddy,” Chris said as he carefully guided Rafael to a chair. As Chris lowered him into the chair Rafael’s hands shot up to grab Chris’s forearm, looking at him, his deep brown eyes full of pain and fear. “I’m just going over to help Maxie. I’ll be right back,” Chris said softly, his thumb rubbing Rafael’s arms. 

“Chris,” Rafael asked, his voice quaking. 

“Yeah?” Chris responded gently, trying to force a smile that didn’t really work.

“Is this my fault,” Rafael breathed, and just like that, Chris’s heart broke. Could he lie to his best friend right now to make him feel better? “Is my Dad going to die because of me?”

“No, the demon did it. And Alec is not going to—we’ll have to see, Rafe.” 

It felt like Chris’s words were what truly broke Rafael. His face crumpled and he leaned forward in the chair, his head falling into his hands. Chris moved to kneel down to hug him but Rafael shook his head.

“Max. Go check on Max.” Chris paused, looking back at Max who was whimpering as the magic drained him. Where was Magnus? He looked back at Rafael who looked as defeated as Chris had ever seen the strong, stoic teenager. 

“I’ll be back,” Chris promised and stood, walking over to the blue boy. “Max,” Chris said delicately. 

Chris looked up at Jace who seemed to be breathing easier, but his hand was still over his rune; chances were that was just because he couldn’t bear feeling the weakened signal of Alec. Izzy was pacing, unable to really do anything with Max trying to heal him. “Call Magnus again,” he requested, not looking to see if Izzy had listened to him.

“Max?” 

Chris’s voice broke through Max’s fog. He looked up slowly at the beautiful redhead who was smiling worriedly at him.

“Heal-gotta-,” Max stuttered.

“Shhh,” Chris whispered putting his arms around Max’s waist. “You’re doing great, Maxie.” Max nodded, grateful to hear he was succeeding, even if he didn’t really know if he was. “Take my strength,” Chris asked, holding out his hand. 

Max whined quietly, “I-I—.” The Warlock couldn’t form the words that he didn’t want to hurt Chris. 

“None of that. Take what you need,” Chris offered. Max looked at him for a moment. Chris’s green eyes looking pleadingly at him, like if he couldn’t help Max he might just cry. “For goodness sake, Izzy, send Magnus a fire message!” Chris snapped. Izzy seemed surprised but almost ashamed for not having already done so. 

“Chris,” Max whispered as he took Chris’s still held out hand. Chris shushed him gently and Max felt a surge of energy hit him, his magic strengthened by what Chris was giving him, and he pushed it more intensely into his father. 

No one in the room noticed when another portal opened.

“Oh Lilith no!” Magnus suddenly appeared across the cot from them. “Fuck, Izzy! Why the hell did you wait so long! You know I put my phone away when I’m with clients I—” Magnus’s voice broke and he held his hands over Alec, turquois magic pouring out of Magnus’s hand. “Chris, take him away, he needs to—” Magnus began.

“Not a chance,” Max growled, his magic amplifying as if proving a point. Chris closed his eyes at the pull of his energy, but he continued giving it willingly. Max glared at Magnus, waiting for him to try to stop him. Magnus had looked away from him, staring at his husband, and Max softened. 

Alec had gained immortality two years ago, though they knew this would always be a risk. Max also knew they had all relaxed a little with the idea that Alec would always be there, that nothing like this was going to happen to him. Suddenly, there were black spots in front of Max’s eyes. 

“Okay, come on, we’re going to let Magnus handle it from here,” Jace’s voice hit him. 

“No,” Max tried, but he sounded weak, even to himself. Chris whimpered quietly and Max turned his head sharply to him. 

“I’m fine,” Chris replied. Max knew neither of them were close to fine. He looked at Magnus who nodded encouragingly. Max let his magic stop, his knees giving out on him and he started to go, down but four arms were suddenly around him, holding him up. Chris and Jace hadn’t let him hit the ground, though how Chris was helping him when he didn’t look like he could stand on his own in the first place, Max didn’t know. Jace lead them to chairs. Max stumbled against Chris who barely kept his own balance and pulled Max against his side once they were seated.

“I hurt you,” Max breathed, feeling guilty. 

Chris shook his head, “Don’t be stupid. I gave willing, and I would again. Just rest,” the older boy ordered. 

It was 20 minutes later when Magnus released a heavy, tired sigh and moved his hands away from Alec. Everyone looked up at him for an update. 

“The only reason he’s still alive is because of Max. It would have been too late if you guys had waited for me.” Everyone flinched. “I don’t know how long he’ll be unconscious. He was pretty far gone,” Magnus admitted. 

“So I wasn’t wrong,” Jace whispered quietly, his hand ghosting once again over his brother’s rune. 

Magnus shook his head. “No, we almost lost him.” Magnus cupped Alec’s cheek with his hand, then looked at Jace, Chris, and Rafael to ask, “What happened?” 

Rafael looked even more distraught than he already had. He looked like he didn’t know what to do with himself. 

“We didn’t catch the last demon. We thought it was over,” Jace said, his eyes red and swollen from earlier tears. 

“Jace!” Clary came running into the infirmary. “Oh thank the Angel,” she cried as she ran into his arms. But over her husband’s shoulder she saw Alec, “No!” she cried when she saw how no one was doing anything but looked heartbroken and Alec was too pale. 

“He’s alive,” Jace quickly corrected her thinking. She let out a sob of relief before looking at her brother-in-law who looked worn out, like he’d healed Alec to the very brink of his magic. But then she looked at her nephew and saw that he was far worse off. 

“Shit,” she murmured before looking back at Alec. “Do you guys need anything,” she asked them. Everyone shook his head. Each of them took a seat around Alec and waited.

 

Max could feel himself recovering slightly as time ticked away. Almost no one had moved from their spot in the last hour. Clary had to leave to go check on their daughter, and Jace had gone with her for about 10 minutes just to check on Joselyn, but he had come right back. Rafael had barely moved, his head still in his hands, staring at nothing. Magnus had pulled up a chair next to Alec’s bed and hadn’t released Alec’s hand since. Chris was sitting next to Max who had his head lying on Chris’s shoulder, careful of his horns. 

“You should probably get some sleep,” Izzy said as she checked over Jace, Chris, and Rafael before kneeling in front of Max. “You look like you’re about to pass out.” 

“Thanks, Aunt Izzy, but I’m not going anywhere,” Max replied. 

Chris put his arm around his shoulder, “You sure, Blue? You know someone will tell you if there are changes,” he suggested. 

“No,” Max said sternly. Magnus shook his head and waved his hand when Chris opened his mouth to try to fight Max again. There were several moments of quiet until Max scrunched up his face. “I don’t get it,” he said. Everyone looked up at him, waiting for him to continue. “This injury was straight on, even if the demon caught you guys by surprise Dad wouldn’t just stand there. How did it get him so dead on?” 

Jace looked at Magnus who was looking at Max, his own eyebrows furrowed in curiosity.

“Because I was an idiot,” Rafael said. Everyone conscious in the room turned to him, Magnus’s eyebrows raising. Chris sighed in sadness. Jace shook his head. Izzy’s eyes widened. Chris felt Max tense. He turned to Max, ready to explain but Rafael hadn’t finished. “I got cocky, thought they were all gone. I turned my back on the nest,” Rafael stated.

“Rafe, we were all about to do the exact same thing, this isn’t your—,” Jace tried to comfort his oldest nephew.

“I didn’t even hear the demon let alone see it. But Dad saw it, and he saw it was coming straight for me because I was the one distracted. I was getting ready to leave because like always I didn’t need the all clear,” Rafael scrubbed his face. “Dad didn’t even want me down there! If I had listened instead of—”

Suddenly the room shook and they all looked at Magnus who looked as surprised as everyone else.

“You just had to show off?!” Max growled. Rafael exhaled heavily. “You couldn’t once just listen to Dad, to Uncle Jace, to people who just might know better that the perfect, talented, arrogant Rafael Santiago Lightwood-Bane?!” Max was now yelling.

“Max—” Chris tried to sooth Max who stood up abruptly and moved away from Chris, shoving his hand off when Chris reached for him. Max walked up to Rafael who didn’t even look at his brother, looking at his hand.

“Your stupidity almost killed our dad!” Max snapped.

“Max, that’s enough!” Magnus scolded.

“No! It’s not! What is it going to take for you, Rafael, to get it through your thick skull that you are not invincible! That you are, in fact, just an idiot who is willing to kill Dad in order to show what a ‘great Shadowhunter’ you are?!” 

“Out, Max!” When had Magnus gotten next to him? Max swayed and Magnus grabbed his shoulders and steadied him. “I’m sending you to your room,” Magnus waved his hand and a portal appeared just as Max opened his mouth to argue. 

“Why do I have to go?! I’m the one who SAVED Dad! He’s the one who nearly got him—” Magnus scowled and moved the portal so that it took Max home, hearing the 12-year-old roaring in anger as he went. Rafael’s sobs were all the noise left in the room. Magnus kneeled in front of him, but Rafael pulled away as if he were afraid he was going to hurt Magnus too. 

“Rafe,” Rafael sobs intensified at his father’s voice. “Oh my boy,” Magnus whispered and pulled him into a hug. 

“I’m so sorry, Papa, I’m so sorry, I—” Rafael blubbered. 

“Ssshhh, shush, Rafael, you listen to me, this is not your fault. Dad has gotten hurt protecting each and every person in this room except Chris, and that is only probably because he hasn’t had the chance yet. If I could rewind time and tell Alec that if he did the same thing again he would die, he wouldn’t even hesitate. You are his pride and joy,” Rafael shook his head and sobbed. “You are! Do you know how proud he is of you? Even when you make mistakes, he’s so proud of the fact that you are not a mindless soldier. That you are a risk taker,” Magnus promised. Rafael scoffed at the ‘risk taker’ part. “Max had no right saying those things to you, and I swear I’ll talk to him.” 

“He’s right though,” Rafael claimed as the adults and Chris shook their heads. “No, he is. He’s the one who saved him. I’m the one who—” 

Magnus kissed Rafael’s forehead, shushing him again. 

“You should go get cleaned up, take a nap,” Magnus suggested, but Rafael shook his head,

“I’m not leaving him,” he said stubbornly. Magnus sighed before looking over at Chris and Jace.

“Will you at least go take a shower? You two as well; you all stink,” Magnus’s lips quirked up into a smile as he teased the three men. Chris let out a hollow ‘Ha’, and Jace’s lips up turned into a smirk. 

“Joselyn agreed. She said ‘ew’ when I tried to hold her,” Jace told him. Magnus chuckled at his brother-in-law before looking back at Rafael. 

“Fifteen minutes, Rafe. That’s all I’m asking for,” Magnus coaxed. Rafael looked at Magnus before looking up at Alec who remained unconscious.

“You know you could just wave us clean,” Rafael tried one last attempt, but Magnus chuckled and shook his head.

“Leave the bargaining to Chris. He’s better at it,” he claimed. Rafael sighed, defeated, and scrubbed his face, which had been made dirt free by his tears. 

Rafael gave in and let Chris and Jace lead him out.

It was just Izzy and Magnus, both looking at the man they each loved most. A moment later Magnus looked up at his sister-in-law.

“I probably should go talk to Max. Call me if anything changes,” Magnus requested of Izzy who had been abnormally quiet. 

“You know, you never get used to it,” she claimed softly as she took Magnus’s place next to Alec. Magnus looked at her questioningly. “We’re trained and taught that being a Shadowhunter, death is going to happen, it just part of the life.” She shrugged, “But no amount of teaching makes it easier to see your brother hurt and dying.” 

Magnus wrapped his arms around Izzy, kissing her hair.

“Nothing is going to take our ridiculously protective Alexander, I promise,” Magnus murmured. Izzy pulled away, tears in her eyes.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

 

One of Magnus’s vases shattered as soon as Max fell through the portal. He tried to conjure a new portal to take him back, but he was too worn out.

“DAMNIT!” He screamed, and several other glass things exploded in the room. Tears poured down his face and sobs hiccupped in his throat as he tried once again to make a portal, but nothing happened. He collapsed on the couch sobbing. Why was he being punished? He wasn’t the one who hurt Alec!

Neither was Rafael. 

He knew that, but he couldn’t quite let go of his anger towards his brother for being dumb enough to put himself in a position where Alec had to protect him. He let out a huff of frustration. It was Alec’s protective nature that had caused this as much as Rafael’s cockiness. He had to blame someone that was tangible, who was conscious, someone he could yell at, rage at, because his dad was supposed to be safe. Alec was immortal now; Max wasn’t supposed to have to worry about his dad leaving them, of dying slowly or suddenly. He wasn’t supposed to die at all anymore. He wasn’t supposed to have to worry about Magnus being broken by Alec’s death. They were supposed to be young and beautiful and in love until even the earth had numbered days. The thought of losing Alec was more than Max could deal with.

The sound of a portal opening didn’t register with Max; he just continued to sob into the couch cushions. It wasn’t until someone touched his back that he jumped up, thinking it was Rafael, ready to yell some more. But it wasn’t Rafael; it was Magnus. Max frowned and pulled away from Magnus, angry that he’d sent Max away, that he’d sided with Rafael. 

“You left Dad with Rafael?” Max spit out. Magnus’s face went from worried and sad to annoyed and hurt. 

“Max, cut it out,” Magnus demanded. “Your brother is just as distraught about this as you are. No, he’s more distraught.” Max scoffed and threw his hands up. “Yeah he is, because he had to watch helplessly while Dad was dying. You got to save him; you got to actively do something. He just had to sit there, stewing in his guilt and self-hatred.” 

“Good! He should have!” Max snarled. 

Magnus was honestly taken aback by his youngest son who was normally the most good-natured, pacifistic, loving, playful, mischievous-to-a-fault person Magnus had ever known. Where was this anger coming from? Especially directed at Rafael who was Max’s favorite person in the world. Those two would die and kill or each other. Max was the kid that forgave another kid for calling him an evil demon. He was the kid that learned healing first so he could protect his family. He was the kid that loved nothing more than tricking Vanya into going with him to Paris for a croissant or Mexico for street corn. Magnus studied the 12-year-old whose scowl he had tried to keep his face twisted in anger, faded into a frown of despair any time he couldn’t get that guard up. 

“Do you wish it was Rafe you were having to save? That Dad was watching on in agony because he hadn’t been fast enough and Rafe had jumped in front of demon and gotten stabbed?” Max’s face contorted in pain and he turned away from Magnus, his eyes shut tight against the thought. “Dad did exactly what Dad does, what he’s always done. You know he nearly lost an arm when he came to Edom to get me. And he nearly died trying to save Uncle Jace when Valentine took him. Actually he did die that time. And he beat the crap out of Uncle Raphael when he gave Aunt Izzy yin fin. Dad acts first and thinks later, and, Max, if he had thought about it, he would have done just what he did. 

“Why?!” Max yelled. “Does he want to die? I thought he became immortal so he could be with us forever! But NO! He has to do stupid things like this and almost die! And Papa, he almost died! I could feel it. There almost wasn’t anything to save when I started. So tell me: how am I supposed to be fine with him not giving a shit if he lives or dies because, hell, it’s for a good reason!?”

“He does care,” Magnus claimed. Magnus sighed heavily. He and Alec had had this fight actually, before Max was born. When Magnus felt Alec was being too reckless, cared too much about others and not enough about himself. Magnus parroted what Alec had said to him more than a decade ago. “Shadowhunters are taught to be fighters and protectors. Protectors of mundanes, yes, of most of the Shadow World, and, especially, protectors of each other. They care about their own lives, but they care just as much about the people around them. I very much imagine and dread the day we get the call that Rafael has stupidly done something to protect Chris, or Cole or Avery, or you, and needs healing. It’s who they are, Maxie.” 

Max blinked rapidly. He hadn’t considered that. Rafael was just as protective as Alec was. If the situation had been reversed, Rafael would have done the same for Alec. That somehow made Max more frustrated. 

“That’s stupid,” Max responded before storming off and going to his bedroom, slamming the door. 

Magnus huffed and rolled his eyes. He needed to get back to Alec. He left Max a note before portaling back to the Institute. Rafael was sitting next to Alec’s bed on the opposite side of where Magnus had been, where Izzy was now. His hair was still wet; his clothes comfortabe rather than the more professional vibe Rafael usually gave at the Institute. He was holding Alec’s hand and clearly had no intention of going anywhere. Magnus sighed. This was going to be a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are struggling in this one, for different reasons. And when you're most hurt you take it out on those you love you most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little late! Sorry was at a show with a friend. Enjoy!

The sun had gone down a couple of hours before, but no one in the room had any indication of how long they had been sitting there. Magnus had come back from speaking to Max a while ago and hadn’t moved from his spot next to his husband, hadn’t let go of his hand. On the other side of the bed, Rafael sat on a chair, holding his father’s other hand, Chris sitting in a chair beside him. Izzy sat at the foot of the bed staring at her brother. Magnus could see her mouth move in desperate prayer every once in a while. Behind Magnus, Jace and Clary sat on chairs, holding each other up.

“Why isn’t he waking up,” Rafael spoke for the first time since Magnus had returned, his voice scratchy and hoarse from lack of use and tears. Magnus looked away from Alec to his son. “If you and Max healed him, and he’s physically fine, then why isn’t he waking up?” Rafael wasn’t looking at Magnus, but he was using a voice he hadn’t used since he was 8, it was one of desperation and fear, begging his father to make it better.

“Because he almost died, baby, and when someone is that close…” Rafael flinched at Magnus’s words being caught in this throat. “When they get that close sometimes it takes the body and mind a little while to recover,” the Warlock explained. Rafael looked so heartbroken that it broke Magnus’s in a way he didn’t know was still possible. Magnus wanted nothing more than to make his child feel better. “But you know it’s not your fault, that I don’t blame you for a second, and neither does Dad.” Magnus reached over Alec’s body and grabbed Rafael’s arm, pulling it until he was holding the hand that wasn’t attached to Alec’s. “Rafe, look at me,” Magnus pleaded, running his thumb over Rafael’s knuckles. Rafael closed his eyes for a moment before slowly moving his eyes up to face Magnus. He bit his lower lip, seeing no anger or annoyance in Magnus’s eyes, but finding it hard to believe that his father truly found him faultless. Chris reached out and put his hand on Rafael’s shoulder in comfort. “You did nothing wrong. Dad is the type of person that jumps in front of danger to protect other people. You could have been fully ready to fight and he probably still would have jumped in front of you. He’s the type of person who I think you are well on your way to becoming, Angel help us,” Magnus said with his eyes turned upward. Chris let out a soft chuckle while Rafael’s lips curved upward slightly. “Did I ever tell you that Dad had his entire arm burned trying to save me from Edom? He’s lucky I was able to heal him without scarring.” Rafael looked at Alec’s arms and they were smooth but for a few old faded scars from decades of fighting and training. “He gave no thought to his arm or his own safety. His only thought was protecting me,” Magnus reported. Rafael looked at Magnus for a moment before sighing and shaking his head.

“That was different,” Rafael claimed, “You had no choice; you were captured. I was stupid.”

“Congratulations, Rafael, for being human.” Magnus stated. Rafael was about to argue when the door flew open startling everyone.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me!?” Cole ran in, looking panicked and horrified. “Oh Raziel,” he breathed upon seeing Alec. Rafael released Magnus’s hand and sat back slightly.

“Sorry, I’ve been—,” Rafael began to explain to his friend why he hadn’t told him.

“Hush,” Cole quieted him, looking at Rafael now, “Do you three need anything?” He knew there was nothing to be done if Magnus was merely sitting there. “Wait, where’s the mutant?” Max had gotten Cole into the X-Men and his new favorite thing to call Max was either ‘mutant’ or Nightcrawler. Magnus sighed softly,

“I sent him home,” he admitted.

“And he went willingly,” Cole asked surprised, his eyebrows raised.

“Not quite,” Max’s voice came from the doorway of the infirmary. They all turned to see Max standing with his arms crossed. It was obvious he’d been crying the entire time he’d been gone, of course as soon as he’d had the energy he’d conjured a portal back.

“Max…” Rafael breathed horrified by his brother’s appearance.

Max glared at Rafael before entering the room and sitting on a chair next to Magnus. He reached out and put his small hand over Magnus’s hand that was holding Alec’s. Magnus moved his own so that Max was the one holding Alec and Magnus held on to both his son and husband. He didn’t say anything to anyone in the room.

“Jesus,” Cole murmured at Max’s change in behavior, but he knew better than to ask. “Is he going to be okay,” he asked, motioning to Alec. Magnus nodded, answering,

“Eventually. His body is just recovering,” he explained. Everyone in the room knew that Magnus was going to have his break down soon. It had been several hours since the accident, and he had remained unbelievably calm. Everyone in the room had seen Magnus’s temper when it was directed at someone who had hurt Alec. He’d kicked his own son out of his unconscious father’s infirmary room. It was only a matter of time. Rafael just hoped it wasn’t going to be directed at him.

Rafael kept running through what happened over and over again, and it always ended the same way. No matter what scenarios went through his head, Alec was always in the hospital bed. But he shouldn’t be. Why was he? Why had he jumped in front of Rafael? Rafael looked at Max who was scowling, but his eyes were filled with tears. If a demon walked in right now, Rafael would be the first on his feet, the one at the front, willing to die to protect the people he loved. But Alec was more important than Rafael. Magnus needed Alec; they could have other children in the future, but Magnus would never find another soulmate. Max needed Alec; who else would calm Magnus down when Max pushed the Warlock, or even the preteen, boundaries? Max was going to live forever; he’d be a brother to the other kids Magnus and Alec adopted. Cole needed Alec; Alec had saved him from severe abuse, and one does not recover from the loss of their hero. Rafael would know; Alec was his rescuer as well, the man who saved them, took them off the streets, took them out of abusive homes. Alec was needed. No one needed Rafael; he was replaceable. Hell, even Chris had Max. The Shadow World wouldn’t feel any kind of blip if Rafael Santiago Lightwood-Bane died. But Alec… that would be a disaster. And it was his fault that the world might lose Alec. Rafael knew Max blamed him, and he had every right to. He blamed himself.

They were going on hour 37 of Alec being unconscious and unresponsive to all stimuli. Thirty seven hours of the other three Lightwood-Banes not getting any sleep. They were all a little on edge, no one quite as much as Max. Rafael was more despondent, and Magnus was calmer, his years of experience giving him the upper hand. Though Rafael and Max did pretend they didn’t see Magnus crying when his hand on Alec’s chest spilled out healing magic and nothing happened.

A little while after Cole appeared, Simon, who had been with Jocelyn, came over to lead Izzy and Clary to get some rest. Jace had finally managed to convince Magnus to go take a break, leaving Rafael, Max, and Chris alone with Alec. Chris knew very well that he’d been the only reason Magnus had left the brothers alone. Max kept making seething comments, and Rafael’s kept staying quiet. Rafael knew Max blamed him and he had every right to.

It was an odd change. Rafael was the fighter, the one with a quick temper who was quick to use his fists before his words. Max was the sweet, gentle one who always tried to find the peaceful solution. Chris ran his fingers through his hair and let out an anxious cough, one of his tells. Max put his hands over Alec and tried yet again to heal him. Rafael sighed in exhaustion, but Max mistook it as a reaction to his failed attempt.

“What?” Max snapped. Rafael looked up at Alec’s bed, confused, as he hadn’t even realized his brother was doing anything. “You know what!? Get up!!” Max stood in front of his seated older brother who was a good 6 inches taller than Max standing and had 2% body fat with muscles and the agility of a 14-year-old Shadowhunter.

“Max…” Chris said warningly.

“Stay out of this!!” Max told him. Chris blinked in surprise and stood. He was only slightly taller than Max but like Rafael was a wall of muscle.

“You gonna use your magic on me, Maxie?” Rafael asked with a sad smile. For a moment Max seemed shocked and hurt by such a suggestion, but Rafael, who hadn’t actually looked up at his brother, continued, “I wouldn’t blame you. I wouldn’t stop you. Maybe a little burn or, hell, a big one? I deserve it.”

“Rafe…” Chris murmured horrified that his best friend was speaking so self destructively.

“Or do that thing you do in training where you wrap us in lightening, but this time turn it on.” Suddenly Rafael was shoved and pushed out of his chair by Max. It was only his instincts that caught him and put him on his feet.

“How dare you?!” Max roared. Rafael seemed taken aback for a moment before Max shoved his chest with all the force the 12-year-old possessed, which barely moved the 14-year-old. “I would never do that!!” The warlock yelled, pushing Rafael again. “You are my brother, you asshole!” This time Max threw a punch and hit Rafael’s side. Of course Rafael had been trained by Jace and Alec and even when the adult Shadowhunters were holding back, their hits hurt more than Max’s. Chris moved forward to stop them, but Rafael shook his head. He and Max needed this. Max needed a punching bag and maybe Rafael needed punishment. Max sobbed softly, tears wetting his face. “You could have been killed,” Max hiccupped and hit Rafael’s chest with an open palm. “If Dad hadn’t jumpe—” Max covered his face for a moment with his hands as he cried. “If Daddy hadn’t jumped in front of you, you would have died. You are my brother!” Max closed his fist and began beating on Rafael’s chest, “You’re the good son of the two of us! How the hell were they supposed to live without you, Rafe! How am I supposed to keep growing up without you?! I’ve spent my whole life thinking about that someday you and Dad would die and I would have to spend eternity without you guys.” Max was still hitting, but there was no force. It was weak and despairing, but not vicious. Rafael had tears streaming down his face as he watched his brother struggle. “Now Dad is immortal, but he could still die and you will die someday! I know that! But I can’t lose you. Not yet! Not ever, but definitely not now! I can’t lose either of you,” Max collapsed in sobs, caught only because Rafael saw what was about to happen and grabbed him quickly, pulling him into a hug.

“Maxie,” he whispered softly and he held him close, his hand running up and down his shaking back. Max grabbed Rafael’s shirt with his fists, clutching him as tightly as he could.

“Pr-promise you won’t do anything st-stupid anymore,” Max whimpered. Rafael smiled softly,

“I can’t promise that, Blueberry. It runs in the family to be a little stupid,” he said, motioning to their unconscious father. Max let out a mix of a sob and laugh. “I promise I won’t do anything unnecessarily stupid; how about that?” Rafael offered.

“Your definition and my definition of ‘unnecessary’ are very different,” Max claimed, panting slightly, knowing he’d be unable to hold himself up if Rafael let go.

“Like how I think it’s unnecessary for you to go skipping around the world when you want a particular food. We live in Brooklyn and Seamless exists. Or you know, magic.” Rafael said, rocking Max back and forth softly.

“Or I can just open a portal and go get real Gyros,” Max said with a chuckle. The tears had finally stopped, but he wasn’t ready to separate from Rafael. Rafael sighed and rolled his eyes,

“Silly Warlock,” he whispered. Max’s legs suddenly fully gave out, folding beneath him. “Whoa!” Rafael repositioned his grip and hoisted him up as Chris grabbed a chair and helped Rafael lower him down on it. “Max?!” Rafael said, pulling back now that Max was seated and looked at his face. Max hummed before forcing his eyes open,

“Oh I’m fine, just…”

“Just completely exhausted,” Chris finished for him,

“Come on, I’m taking you to bed right now.” This woke up Max and he shook his head, moving away from Chris, insisting,

“No!” He tried to push the other boys away, but all he managed to do was slump forward. “Shit,” both Max and Rafael breathed at the same time.

“Max!” Magnus came running in when he saw Max sitting and the concern on the other two’s faces. Max looked up slowly at Magnus.

“Hi, Papa,” Max murmured. Magnus smiled comfortingly, but strained in worry. He held his hand over him, his magic checking for anything physical.

“I think he’s just exhausted,” Chris whispered to Magnus. Magnus nodded in agreement. “I’ll take him to my room so he doesn’t have to leave the Institute,” Chris offered.

“No!” Max said, trying to wiggle away from the hands touching him. “I’m not leaving Dad again,” he pouted angrily. Well, as angrily as an exhausted 12-year-old could. Magnus cupped his son’s face reassuringly, hoping to convince him to at least lie down a while.

“You know we’re going to come get you if anything happens. I’m going to be right here with him. Go with Chris, sweetheart. Just rest a short while. For me? I can’t be worried about you, too,” Magnus urges and nods at Chris to help take Max to a bed. Max growled in distress, but could do nothing to fight back as Chris picked him up.

“Noooo,” Max whined, but there was literally nothing he could do. Rafael sighed heavily when Max was out of the room returning to his chair and plopping down, looking like he, too, might collapse at any minute.

“Rafe…” Magnus began softly.

“I didn’t collapse. I’m fine. I’m not going anywhere,” Rafael said sternly. Magnus smiled weakly.

“I didn’t expect you to. It was worth a shot.” Magnus returned to his chair by his husband’s side and sat quietly, glancing up at his son every once in a while. Magnus was tired. Jace had urged him to get some rest, but he couldn’t. He was overwhelmed with worry for Alec, worry for his children. If something were to happen to Alec, Rafael would never forgive himself. It would break his family apart. Magnus was breaking at the seams on the inside, but stifled it down for the sake of his boys. He would just have to wait and pray that Alec would wake up.

“Chris, sttop,” Max moaned as he was laid on the bed. Chris smirked and brushed his dark blue hair out of his face.

“I don’t think you get to argue when you can’t even stand up on your own,” Chris reasoned.

“Watch me,” Max said as he continued to lay there. “Am I standing?” he asked. Chris chuckled and laid down next to him, turning on his side so that he was facing Max who was lying on his back. “You’ll stay here till I fall asleep?” Max asked drowsily.

“Mmhmm,” Chris agreed and touched Max’s horns gently. Max’s eyes cracked open and he hummed,

“What is it with you and these things,” he asked, amused.

“You know I think they’re awesome,” Chris responded. Max smiled sleepily and sighed, his eyes slipping back closed. He remembered when Chris became the first person outside of his family to comment positively on his horns. He closed his eyes as he thought back to the moment he met the boy lying next to him.

_“Daddy!” Max squealed happily as he ran into the training room. Alec lit up as his kids and husband approached._

_“Maxie,” he cried as he picked up his blue boy easily, spinning him around, making him giggle, not caring who was watching. He winked and ruffled Rafael’s hair as his older son approached him with his husband._

_“Oh, Rafe, that’s the kid Jace wants you to start training with,” Alec pointed to a boy with bright red hair and an even brighter smile. Max went quiet, his eyes widening at the boy. Alec put him down and he stumbled slightly, unable to take his eyes off the young Shadowhunter._

_“Chris, right?” Rafael asked Alec who had his arms around Magnus’s waist and was kissing his husband’s lips affectionately._

_“That’s right,” Alec confirmed. “Chris,” he called, turning to Chris, keeping one arm around Magnus’s waist. Chris looked up at him before running over to the family, grinning happily._

_“Hi, Mr. Lightwood Bane,” he greeted Alec before noticing his arm around Magnus’s waist and tilts his head intrigued, “and… other Mr. Lightwood-Bane?” he asked hesitantly. Magnus smirked and nodded,_

_“But you can call me Magnus.” Chris nodded and bounced on the balls of his feet energetically before looking at Rafael._

_“Hi! I’m Chris,” he held out his hand excitedly. Rafael looked at him before smiling and taking the hand,_

_“I’m Rafael.” He wasn’t quite as hyper as Max but he didn’t seem far off. Speaking of, where was his brother? Max was usually running around so fast he was just a blue blur, but then Rafael spots him hiding shyly behind Alec and Magnus._

_“Chris, this is my son who Jace wants to pair you in training with,” Alec claimed, watching as Max peeked around his hips, his cheeks darker than normal in blush. Alec grinned and nudged Magnus to get him to look. Magnus’s heart melted at Max’s clear shyness at the new Shadowhunter._

_“Oh that’s awesome!” Chris beamed at Alec’s news, “I’ll show you this really cool kick I saw on TV the other day and Jace said you can do a perfect flip! Do you think you can—”He cut off whatever he was going to say, seeing the blue Warlock peering out enough for the 7 year old to notice him. The rest of the family froze, unsure how Chris would respond to Max’s skin and horns. Kids didn’t have filters and it hurt the 6 year old’s feelings every time he was stared at and heard the whispers that followed. “Are tho-those horns?” Chris asked in awe._

_“You got a problem with that?” Rafael challenged daringly, squaring his chest. Chris’s face burst into a grin,_

_“Are you kidding? They’re awesome! I’d love to have horns? Duh! Like come on, you can run into people and stab ‘em!!” Chris put his first fingers so it looked like they were coming out of his forehead and charged towards a Shadowhunter walking by. The assaulted man looked down at Chris before rolling his eye, and kept going. Chris giggled and turned back to them and from this angle could see all of Max. “Oh wow,” he breathed. “Your skin and hair are great too! How’d you get such awesome skin and horns?! Were you born that way? Did the horns hurt the lady you came out of? Or did they grow like teeth? My little sister Avery is growing teeth and she cries all the time. It’s really annoying. Wait! You’re a Warlock! That’s so COOL!” Chris said it all without taking a breath while dancing around Rafael and Max. Magnus was laughing at the child’s enthusiasm while Rafael was looking at him like he was insane. Max was looking at him like he was the best person on earth, clearly enamored._

_“I think our little boy is in love,” Magnus whispered to Alec who nodded in agreement, grinning._

_“You-you think that it’s cool that I’m a Warlock,” Max asked hesitantly. Chris giggled and approached him carefully,_

_“Totally! Can-can I touch the horns?” Chris asked. Max looked taken aback as did Magnus. Warlock marks were very personal, not something to be touched randomly. “Oh is that end-appropriate? My mom says I ask end-appropriate questions sometimes. I won’t touch them if you don’t want me to, I think they’re awesome if you let me touch them or not and I just—”_

_“Chris,” Alec interrupted. Chris ducked his head, recognizing he was babbling. “Firstly, it’s IN-appropriate not END-appropriate. And yes it is inappropriate, we don’t go around asking strangers to touch them.”_

_“But most people don’t have horns!” Chris cried. Rafael was giggling at this point, liking this kid a lot. Alec smiled knowing the boys heart was in the right place. “I know but still you wouldn’t ask to touch Shane’s dreads, so we don’t ask Max to touch his horns,” Alec explained. Chris bit his inner cheek, embarrassed at being scolded._

_“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude,” he turned to Max, digging his toe into the ground. Max grinned, grabbing Chris’s hand, and put it on his horn. Chris’s mouth fell open before he beamed and felt the bone like protrusion.“They’re so smooth…” he said, glancing at Alec to make sure he wasn’t mad. Instead, Alec seemed amused by the exchange._

_“What’d you spect?” Max asked with a giggle._

_“I don’t know. I’ve never felt horns before!” Chris countered. That was the beginning of a ride or die friendship with Rafael and a crush that turned into childhood sweethearts with Max._

Chris recognized when Max’s breathing evened out and he was officially asleep. He studied Max. He’d been in love with Max since the day they met. Six and seven and the initial moment had been a crush. It wasn’t about the horns or cool skin color; it was about the fact that one minute he’d been shy, hiding behind his fathers, and the next he’d trusted Chris enough to let him touch his Warlock mark. He was sweet, trusting, and could keep up with Chris’s energy, which wasn’t easy. Chris knew Max was worried about Alec and Rafael dying because they were mortal, or had been in Alec’s case. Chris was mortal. And they were only 12 and 13, but Chris knew he’d always love Max. Shadowhunters fell in love once. How was he supposed to do that to him? How was he supposed to let Max love him for the rest of Chris’s life when Chris wouldn’t be alive to love Max for the rest of his. He watched him sleep for a little while before realizing he didn’t want to leave Rafael even if Magnus was with him. Rafael hadn’t forgiven himself for even a moment, even when Max revealed the real reason he was so angry was that he couldn’t stand to lose his brother any more than he could stand to lose his father. Rafael’s self-hatred right now had absolutely nothing to do with Max and everything to do with truly believing he’d caused his father’s injuries. He slipped quietly out of bed and headed back to the infirmary, looking back once more at the blue Warlock sleeping soundly. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been 3 days and Magnus is struggling. Rafael and Max worry about Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done!! Thanks Cristin <3 enjoy everyone!

Magnus stared at his husband’s face. It was peaceful, but it had been that way for two days. Alec wasn’t one to sleep long amounts of time, so it unnerved Magnus to witness the complete silence and immobility for two days. He looked at Rafael, who looked as guilty as ever still. Magnus didn’t blame Rafael. Sure, what the kid did was stupid, but making mistakes was part of being a teenager. Yes, Rafael’s mistake had nearly cost Alec his life, but it wasn’t as if mistakes Magnus had made in the past hadn’t hurt people, including Alec.

“Rafael,” Magnus’s voice caused the 14-year-old to sit up abruptly, giving away that he’d yet again nearly fallen asleep sitting up.

“Estoy bien,” he said quickly, his first language coming to his mind more quickly after lack of sleep. He sat up straighter and searched Alec’s face for a sign of consciousness, but, as every time before, it remained stagnant. 

“Go take a nap,” Magnus instructed. 

Rafael shook his head, “No.” There was no excuse, no pleading; it was just a fact—Rafael wasn’t leaving his father’s side. He’d done this; he was the reason his father was lying in a coma, and, if his father wasn’t awake, Rafael would be. “I am staying awake until he wakes up,” Rafael muttered. Magnus sighed and released Alec’s hand to walk over to Rafael’s side. The teenager tensed at first; he didn’t want Magnus to physically force him to go. Instead, Magnus sat down next to him and tugged him gently to guide his head into his lap. 

“Papa, I’m not a kid anymore,” Rafael said, trying to sit back up. Magnus smiled softly and ran his fingers through Rafael’s hair, not letting him up, his rings scratching and massaging Rafael’s scalp. He sighed quietly, exhaustion taking over his fight and he gave in, relaxing his head into the softness of Magnus’s thighs. “You won’t move me?” Rafael whispered, even as his eyes were too heavy and his body now too heavy to move himself. Magnus grabbed his son’s hand and kissed it comfortingly. 

“I promise,” he breathed the promise into Rafael’s skin. Rafael exhaled, and before he could inhale again, he was asleep. Magnus smiled affectionately at him before looking back up at Alec and rejoining their hand. “Our kid is a stubborn one. Wonder where he gets it,” Magnus asked with humor. He rubbed his husband’s hand gently, saying, “Our boys are having a hard time, sweetheart. They need you to wake up. Would you do that for them, Alexander?” Magnus sat back on the chair, one hand in his son’s hair, the other in his husband’s hand, waiting and hoping. His reverie was interrupted when he heard footfalls enter the room and turned around seeing Chris.

“Max is sleeping, finally,” Chris said as he walked up to the three others. Magnus smiled at him, nodding, and motioned to Rafael.

“This one too, and I didn’t even have to put a sleeping spell on him,” he said with a smirk. Chris sat in Magnus’s previous seat across the bed and scrubbed his face. “You should sleep as well. You haven’t gotten much more than we have,” Magnus realized. 

“I’m fine,” Chris claimed. “You know Max doesn’t really blame Rafe. He just got scared and didn’t know who else to lash out at,” Chris claimed. 

Magnus nodded, understanding. He’d hated sending Max to the loft in the beginning, but Rafael was already beating himself up enough, and he didn’t need his baby brother doing it too. 

“Oh I know. I’ve done it before too, lashing out at someone because otherwise you go crazy blaming something you can’t yell at. Rafael didn’t need it though; he hates himself enough right now,” Magnus reported. 

Chris nodded, “I saw his face the second he realized Alec had gotten hurt protecting him. It was as if the world were ending.”

Magnus continued to brush Rafael’s hair with his free hand, saying, “They may fight, but Rafael wouldn’t know how to live without Alec. He’d figure out how to survive if something happened to me, but Alec saved him; Alec gave him safety and a family. Rafael would sell his soul for him,” Magnus said more to the room than specifically Chris. Chris couldn’t disagree. He’d seen Rafael’s eagerness to impress and please Alec time and time again. This situation was another one of those times, but this one just went awry . 

The Warlock and Shadowhunter sat quietly for nearly 10 minutes before Chris spoke again.

“You fell in love with Alec when he was mortal.” 

It was a statement but Magnus nodded anyway, looking up at the boy. He had a feeling he knew where this was going.

“What if he hadn’t ever become immortal? What if he hadn’t wanted to,” Chris asked. 

Magnus studied the 13-year-old carefully. He was such a brave, smart, mouthy kid, perfect for Max; they all knew it, except, perhaps, Chris. Magnus knew that if Chris would let him, Max would love this boy the rest of his immortal life.

“I would have never pushed; he came to the decision fully on his own. As Rafael might when and if the time comes,” Magnus replied. 

“But how would you have felt if he had not chosen to become immortal? Loving someone who you know has numbered days,” Chris was looking at his hands when Magnus let out a chuckle causing Chris to look at him surprised. 

“Christopher, we all have numbered days. Alec is immortal and he almost died yesterday. I’m over 400 and I almost died 17 years ago and 39 years ago and 200 years ago. I could die tomorrow. Max could die tomorrow,” Chris flinched at that sentence. “I would have been devastated when he died if he hadn’t chosen immortality. I would have been devastated if he’d died yesterday. I would have grieved him the rest of my life, like I still grieve every mortal and immortal I have ever loved. Perhaps not as strongly, not as painfully, but they never leave my heart,” Magnus said, looking at his husband who would never look any older than 36. There were slight crow’s feet and some wrinkles on his forehead from being so grumpy all the time, as well as laugh lines from grins shared with Magnus and some graying at the temples due to the children they’d adopted. He was as beautiful now as he had been at 22. Those lines were part of their story, part of Alec’s story. 

“And you chose to fall in love over and over again? Knowing it will end in pain,” Chris asked. 

“Yes, because love is what makes living worth it. To be fair though, I imagine Alec’s death would have destroyed me,” Magnus admitted. 

Chris looked at him, blinking slowly, waiting for Magnus to continue.

“Alec was different for me. The second our eyes met, I knew he was different,” Magnus said, his fingers rubbing over Alec’s knuckles. “If you choose Max, and stay mortal, he will be heartbroken for a very long time, but he’d rather have his heart broken that way than by you not giving it to him the first place.” Chris blushed at Magnus calling him out. “You’re 13, he’s 12. I’ve seen you two together since you were 6 and 7. And I think you are very lucky to have found each other so young.” Chris smiled quietly. “I’d be honored to have you as a son-in-law, immortal or not.” 

“Any change?” Jace came in, interrupting the two. 

“No. Do you feel anything,” Magnus asked, motioning to Jace’s hip where he knew his Parabati rune rested.

“No,” Jace grumbled. He knew if he felt nothing then nothing had changed but he couldn’t help but hope. 

“He’s going to wake up, Jace,” Magnus told his husband’s brother. “He has to,” he whispered, bringing Alec’s hand to his lips without disturbing his teenager.

“Want me to take him to a room,” Jace asked, though he knew if the Warlock wanted, he could snap Rafael to their loft. 

“I promised him I wouldn’t move him,” Magnus responded, looking down at the sleeping boy. 

Jace had always watched Magnus and Alec parent. They were brilliant at it, and when he and Clary had their daughter he took all the notes he’d taken from the other two men. Magnus smiled softly at Rafael, his hand hadn’t stopped moving against Rafael’s hair. Jace didn’t know whether it was to comfort himself or Rafael. Magnus’s other hand never stopped gripping Alec’s not even for a moment. 

“Are you ever mad at me?” Magnus asked Jace softly. Jace looked at him, confused as he sat in the chair opposite Magnus, nudging Chris’s shoulder with a tight smile. “For being the reason Alec chose immortality,” Magnus said, looking at the blond man who had snapped his face away from Chris to look once again at Magnus.

“By the Angel, Magnus. Please tell me that question just comes from exhaustion and stress and not a true feeling that I have ever for one second held a grudge against you.” Jace stared at his brother-in-law. 

Magnus sighed and smiled sadly, “The exhaustion has maybe only lowered my filter, but I’ve always wondered if you and Izzy hated me for that.” 

Jace stared at him for several seconds. How could the Warlock think that? Alec had come to Jace and said Clary had given him a rune that would make him immortal and asked if that would it be okay with him. At first, Jace had been slightly offended that Alec would for one moment think that Jace wouldn’t want his happiness to come first, now and always. Besides, he’d known since Alec met Magnus that he would chose Magnus if the choice between them ever happened.

“Of course I’m not mad at you, Magnus. You have made my brother the man he is today. Without you, I shudder to think what he’d be like. And I wouldn’t have my favorite nephews if he hadn’t met you.” Magnus smiled as he looked down at his teenage son, finally sleeping. “Alec was always going to choose you, as he should have. Izzy hit him when he brought up his hesitancy to her,” the three men laughed quietly at the in-character reaction to the ferocious Lightwood-Lewis female. Magnus exhaled and brought Alec’s hand towards him, kissing it again and laying it against his face. 

“I never thought for a second that if given the opportunity for immortality with you that he wouldn’t chose it. After Valentine killed me and he survived, I knew you were his happily forever after.” Jace continued, “And he knew it, too; it’s just a big decision for any mortal, particularly a Shadowhunter. But he won’t regret it, and you shouldn’t either. Don’t think you are taking anything away from him or us. You are in fact adding and giving him everything he never would have known to wish for himself,” Jace insisted. 

Chris watched as Magnus and Jace exchanged a final look. Both men looked exhausted, neither having had any meaningful sleep in the last two days, if any at all. The three of them sat quietly, hoping and praying, the only sound in the room was Rafael’s loud breaths as he slept.

For several hours Magnus stayed in his position, gently playing with Rafael’s hair. Jace would stand and pace the room every once in a while, until he was called out by Clary to help put Jocelyn to sleep. He stayed to watch his daughter sleep, letting her presence calm him. Meanwhile, Magnus had insisted that Chris himself go and rest. He might be a Shadowhunter, but he was still just 12-years-old, and he needed to sleep. 

At some point, Rafael had woken up, looking to Alec to check for any change, before slumping back down when realizing there was none. He leaned back on Magnus’s shoulder for comfort until Max walked in about an hour after that. The three sat around the room waiting.

It was the middle of the night. Three days, sweetheart. Come on now, Magnus pleaded. He didn’t know how much patience he had left. He was still the only one who hadn’t slept and he was starting to feel it. His nerves felt like they had been shredded with a cheese grater and his brain felt like it had been put in a blender and felt like his responses were happening in slow motion. 

Rafael and Max had been suggesting he rest for a bit, but he argued with them at every turn. At another yawn, Rafael looked up at his Papa.

“Please, Papa, go sleep,” Rafael was squatting in front of his chair. His face contorted in worry and his own weariness, but it was nowhere near his father’s exhaustion. 

“I’m fine, Rafe,” Magnus lied, his glamour had long since fallen. 

His hair was flat on his head and his makeup was three days old so it had mostly faded. Rafael looked at Max who was just as worried about Magnus as Rafael was. Rafael waved his hands at his brother, mimicking Max using his magic. 

“I’m tired, boys, not blind. And if you put a sleeping spell on me, Blue, you will not want me to wake up.” 

The three were once again the only ones in there. Rafael had slept 4 hours in his father’s lap the day before and Max had slept 5 hours in Chris’s room. They were once again tired, but Magnus had yet to sleep a wink. 

“Pops, Dad wouldn’t want you to do this. He’ll be furious at you if he wakes up and you look like this,” Max claimed, laying his head forward on Alec’s arm. “I want him to wake up just as much as you do, but you aren’t able to function, so, please, 30 minutes. In that chair, just let me put you under for-“

“I said no!” Magnus snapped and Rafael grabbed his shoulders, but realized there was no struggle in them.

“By the Angel, Pops,” Rafael murmured. “You have no fight left in you,” tears were streaming down Magnus’s face as he looked away from his son to his husband. “You are going to let Max put you to sleep for a few minutes or I am calling Aunt Cat,” Rafael threatened.

“You wouldn’t…” Magnus said, narrowing his eyes at Rafael. 

“Wanna find out?” Rafael replied, his face neutral, but Magnus knew when Alec got that look it meant there was no lie in his words. Catarina and Madzie had come the first day, but then their own lives had taken over. The boys had promised to call if anything came up. 

“Lilith, I hate how much like Dad you are,” Magnus grumbled, but Rafael knew he had won. He looked at Max who waved his hand without even lifting his head. A light green bit of magic hit Magnus’s head, and he was out cold instantly. 

“Is it gonna wear off, or do you have to take it off,” Rafael asked. 

“It’ll wear off. My magic’s too tired to do much, so he’ll probably sleep an hour if we’re lucky,” Max responded. He lifted his head just long enough to look at Alec who looked so peaceful Max wanted to shake him. Rafael sat next to Magnus, his body lax in relief at his father finally sleeping. Max laid his head back on Alec’s arm, whispering, “Dad, you have got to wake up. We can’t do this much longer,” Max kissed the skin under his dad’s lips. “Papa can’t do this much longer, so wake up for Papa, because, without you, he’s kind of useless.” Rafael chuckled sadly because he wasn’t lying, Magnus was struggling, and it certainly wasn’t his fault. The love of his life, the man who had chosen immortality for their forever, was lying unconscious and no one knew for how much longer. His sons, however, knew that if it continued much longer, Magnus would have to sleep for more than one hour at a time. 

It was an hour and fifteen minutes later that Magnus moaned softly, his head lulling from side to side before he woke up. 

“Better?” Rafael was sitting across the bed from him next to Max, who was now dozing, leaning forward on Alec’s arm. Magnus nodded, rubbing his tired eyes. Rafael looked just as tired as Magnus felt. 

“No change?” he asked hoarsely. 

“No,” Rafael answered. Magnus nodded and took Alec’s hand in both of his own. 

“I can’t do anything else, Darling. I need you to wake up.” 

It was an hour until sunrise, and he knew everyone else would come at sunrise, offering to take over watch, even though Magnus hadn’t left since the first time Jace had forced him to. The hour and a few minutes of sleep had done Magnus both good and bad. He did feel like his brain was clearer, but somehow he was even more tired than before. He could not go through this another day, that he knew. 

Rafael drifted off just before sunrise. Magnus was smiling proudly at him when he felt something squeeze his hand. His eyes snapped to his hand holding Alec’s before moving to Alec’s face. His eyes were open and fixed on Rafael, tears welling up in them at his son alive and safe. 

“Alexander,” Magnus breathed, his voice breaking with emotion as he stood, touching Alec’s face, just to be sure. 

“Hi, Babe,” Alec whispered, smiling at him before looking at Max sleeping on his arm. “How long have I-?”

“62 hours,” Magnus replies, knowing exactly how long it had been.

“You haven’t left my side in three days, have you? You silly Warlock,” Alec whispered as he smiled apologetically at his husband.

“You wouldn’t have left mine,” Magnus countered. Tears streaming down his face as he leaned down to Alec, kissing him deeply. “Don’t you ever do that to me again.” 

Alec nodded, tears pouring down his face at his husband’s obvious pain.

“DAD!” 

Max’s scream woke up Rafael who sat up with a gasp, then stood, ready to fight or do whatever he had to. A lump formed in Rafael throat as Alec hugged Max and reached out for him. 

“I’m so sorry, Dad. I’m so so sorry,” he sobbed, falling onto his father’s stomach, wrapping his arms around his waist. Alec’s arms wrapped around Rafael’s shoulder.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, mijo, absolutely nothing. What I did that day, I would do 1000 more times for you or Maxie,” Rafael looked up to see Alec cupping Max’s tear stained face. “Or Papa,” he pulled Magnus into another kiss. “My boys, I would die over and over if it meant my boys survived,” he promised, even as all three of them flinched. 

“That’s the thing, Dad,” Rafael said, his voice cracking, “We can’t survive without you; I think we’ve all learned that over the past three days.” Max let out a sob burying his face in Alec’s neck. Magnus nodded in agreement, kissing Alec’s forehead, then Max’s cheek, and then Rafael’s hair. 

“When can I get out of here? I want to go home, and you three look like you need to sleep at least 24 hours.” 

Max and Rafael let out a chuckle while Magnus scoffed. Magnus looked at his family, who despite the clear exhaustion in his children’s eyes, were finally relieved, finally the weight of Rafael thinking he’d cost his father his life had lifted slightly from his eyes. The fear and anger in Max’s face waned slightly and carried a little more of their normal spark of joy and mischief. His husband was smiling, holding their boys close. Magnus’s eyes filled with love and peace with the fact that his family was safe.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family recovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so proud of this story. I hope you guys enjoyed. :D Thank you all!

“Mag, I can’t breathe,” Alec murmured, as Magnus’s grip tightened around his chest, Magnus’s face burying deeper in his neck, his legs managing to intertwine themselves impossibly more.

“Sorry,” Magnus replied, but he didn’t let Alec go or even let up his grip in the slightest. Alec smiled affectionately. 

They had come home around dinner time, with Magnus conjuring them up some takeout, all of them hungry and eager to do something normal. Like eat dinner at home. It took some time before Alec was let out of the Institute infirmary. The healer had released him, but Magnus had insisted that Cat do every test, magical and mundane, to make sure Alec wasn’t going to spontaneously fall into another coma, even knowing how unlikely that was. Jace and Izzy barely let Alec leave, but could see in their nephews’ eyes how badly they wanted to leave the infirmary. After eating, it had taken Alec and Magnus 2 hours to convince Max and Rafael to go to sleep, that Alec would indeed be awake and alive when they woke up after a long, long sleep. 

“I love you,” Alec whispered into Magnus’s hair. Magnus let out a shaky breath on Alec’s warm skin and he blinked back tears. 

“I love you more,” Magnus whispered. Alec chuckled, knowing he didn’t mean that Magnus loved Alec more than Alec loved him. It was based on a quote about loving someone more than all the bad days ahead of them, all the fights they would have, all the distance between them, more than an obstacle that would be put in front of them. “Can you please just never scare me like that again,” Magnus whispered. 

Alec pressed his lips together and nudged Magnus gently, but Magnus clung to him tightly, shaking his head.

“Unless you want to look into my eyes to show me you’re telling me the truth, I’m not moving,” Magnus said against Alec’s skin, muffled. Alec’s smile widened at his husband’s words but knew his heart had been so close to breaking that he couldn’t blame him. 

“I can’t promise that,” Alec replied. He felt Magnus tense so he shushed him softly, his hand running up and down his back comfortingly. “But, Sweetheart, I promise you I will always fight to get back to you and our family.” Magnus’s breath caught in his chest, about where his heart was at his husband’s words. 

“And if one day you can’t fight your way back?” Magnus asked, pulling away from him just enough to speak clearly. 

He couldn’t lose Alexander. He’d always known that, but this was the closest scare they’d had since they had the boys, and it brought a new fear to Magnus’s head. He’d never thought he would have children, have a real family. Alec gave him that, gave him what he’d never let himself wish for. Losing Alec, his cool-headed, steady, strong, kind, beautiful Alexander, and having to raise their boys alone and failing…It wasn’t something Magnus could bear.

“This isn’t the first time or the furthest I’ve even been in it. So what’s got you so upset about this? I know I almost died, but I’ve almost died before and I have di-”

“You can’t imagine what it is like,” Magnus interrupted. Alec blinked in surprise at the raw pain in his husband’s voice. “You cannot imagine what it feels like to sit by your husband’s hospital bed, wondering if he’s going to come back, but having to tell your 12 and 14 year old sons that ‘Of course he’ll be fine’. When really, you’re wondering how you could be so stupid to let yourself feel happy about the idea of getting forever with the love of your life when, no, that’s never going to happen because he is a Shadowhunter, an IDIOT Shadowhunter who has to act first and think later!” Magnus had now sat up and was turned, sitting on his heels facing Alec whose face furrowed in anger.

“Would you rather have let the demon get Rafael?! Let him sever his spine and kill him instantly rather than give you and Max a chance to save me?” Alec sat up against the bed frame. “You’re right! I didn’t think because all I saw was a demon coming at our little boy, and I did what a father does. I threw myself in front of him. Like you would do for them! Like you would do for ME! Like I have done for you!” Alec wondered how Magnus was going to argue his way out of this one. 

“Of course I don’t wish the demon had gotten Rafe! I wish Rafael hadn’t had his back turned! I wish you all had gotten all the demons the first time! I wish you didn’t have to hunt demons at all! Because Alexander…,” Magnus’s voice had started strong and had faded, “I have watched so many people I love die. So many.” He leaned forward and cupped Alec’s face in his hands, leaning in so their foreheads were pressed together, but they were still looking in each other’s eyes. “And all of them combined did not compare to the feeling of wondering if I was going to ever see these eyes open again. And I cannot go through that; I know I can’t.” Alec reached his hands up and put them on Magnus’s wrists, his thumb stroking the underside gently. 

“I can’t make you any promises, but you knew that going into this. You married a mortal me with no inclinations that I would ever become immortal,” Alec claimed, shushing him gently when tears began streaming down Magnus’s face and sobs hiccupped in his throat. “Also, I certainly can imagine the pain of wondering if I would ever see you again. Actually if you remember correctly I don’t have to imagine it; I can still remember the feeling quite clearly,” Alec whispered softly. 

Magnus let out a soft sound of confusion which caused Alec to chuckled sadly.

“I’m glad Edom isn’t something your mind immediately brings up like it is for me,” Alec explained.

Magnus’s shoulders slumped at the thought of that. He knew how much that had hurt Alec, that Alec had searched two months before they found a way into the demonic realm. 

“We didn’t have the boys back then, I know, thank Raziel,” Alec muttered that last part. 

Magnus knew those two months his husband-or boyfriend at the time-had been a mess. He’d slept only when exhaustion alone forced him to, and he’d been so reckless that Jace had to rein him in. When he’d finally managed to get into the literal hell dimension and brought Magnus home, he’d been unable to leave bed for nearly a week. Not because they were having amazing reunion sex (that would come later), but because Alec had been so exhausted and stressed and defeated that finally having Magnus back where he belonged, Alec had all but collapsed. Magnus had learned the first day he could not leave Alec sleeping alone because if he woke up and couldn’t see Magnus, he was thrown into dangerous panic attacks. 1

Magnus connected their lips. It was soft and deep, like an apology and promise all at once. 

“I chose immortality because I truly want to be with you until the world ends and even after that. I promise you, Magnus, I will not ever be willing to leave you.” Alec breathed next to Magnus’s mouth as they parted. Magnus sobbed and nodded, going in for another kiss.

“Nor I you,” he whimpered. 

“Papa? Dad?” 

Max’s voice hit them, and Magnus pulled away from Alec quickly, wiping his face of traces of tears before turning to the doorway to see both boys standing there.

“Hey boys,” Magnus greeted them.

“We heard you guys talking and wanted to make sure everything was okay,” Rafael claimed, looking down at his feet. Max seemed stiff and very nearly uncomfortable standing there. Alec exhaled heavily and wiped his own face of the tears that were there. 

“Have you two slept at all,” he asked, motioning for them to approach. They both obeyed, Max’s face still fixed into a frown and Rafael’s still sad. 

“No,” Max said curtly. “Too—” 

He cut himself off and sat on Magnus’s side of the bed while Rafael sat on Alec’s but as far from his father as he could manage. Alec looked at him before reaching out and touching his forearm. Rafael pulled back as if Alec’s hand had suddenly become fire. Alec closed his outstretched hand into a fist, his eyes blinking rapidly in hurt. Magnus grabbed the hand that had been closed and pried it open, slipping his fingers into the space’s between Alec’s. Alec closed his around Magnus’s, interlocking their fingers as tightly as he could. 

“That-I’m sorry,” Rafael murmured. “That wasn’t because-I’m not—” Rafael took in a shaky breath. 

“Rafael nearly got you killed. He doesn’t want to hurt you again,” Max said with a certain amount of harshness in his tone that neither father appreciated. 

“Hey!” Magnus bit at Max, but Alec was too busy looking at Rafael who was looking purposefully at the comforter under him. Alec released Magnus and scooted his body over to Rafael who tensed at how close his father was to him. 

“Mi corazón,” Alec whispered as he reached forward, and, even though he shut his eyes when Alec touched his cheek, Rafael didn’t pull away this time. “Mirame, por favor.” 

Rafael opened his eyes slowly, his dark eyes meeting his father’s hazel ones. 

“Do you think you would have done anything different,” Alec asked softly. 

Rafael seemed surprised for a moment. That wasn’t what he had expected. He thought his dad was going to tell him, again, that it wasn’t his fault. The question surprised him. 

“If I had turned away too quickly and one of them had gone for me, would you have just stood there?”

“You wouldn’t have let your guard down so quickly,” Rafael countered. Alec shook his head with a smile at the stubbornness of his son. 

“Maybe not now, but when I was 14…I still have plenty of scars from thinking we were in the clear and had put my weapons away too quickly. Izzy saved my ass once, and to this day she likes to bring it up.” 

Magnus let out a chuckle while Rafael smiled softly. Max was the only one who was unamused. 

“Do you remember when we were on that hunt together and—” Alec began, looking at Magnus who rolled his eyes and continued for him.

“And the Elapid demon—” 

“I didn’t think I’d ever get that crap out of my hair…Papa saved me that time,” Alec said flirtatiously to Magnus who mocked him playfully before leaning in for a kiss as they both smirked. Max huffed in annoyance, crossing his arms.

“Blue,” Alec said.

“I thought you wanted to live with us forever,” Max snapped, looking at Alec. “But, yeah, your near death experiences are hilarious,” he bit and stormed out of the room. Magnus started to stand, but Alec put his hand on his shoulder, stopping him.

“It’s me he needs to yell at,” he looked at Rafael who ducked his head still feeling guilty, but Alec lowered his own head to catch his eyes. “You did nothing wrong, Rafe, and I know it’s still eating at you, but I am here, alive and whole, and I’m going to do my best to keep it that way.” 

Rafael nodded slightly as Alec kissed his temple before standing and following Max. Before he left, he saw Magnus wrap his arms around Rafael’s waist from behind and pull him into a hug before tickling his sides. The teenager yelled out in protest, but laughed trying to pull out of his father’s grasp to no avail. Alec grinned and laughed before going where he knew Max would be, the balcony. He took after his fathers that way, whereas Rafael tended to resort to going to a smaller space, like his room, when he wanted to feel better. They equated it back to being alone in Buenos Aires and wanting to hide from danger.

The blue Warlock was curled onto the chair, tears streaming down his face. When he heard his father opened the door he turned away, hiding his face. Alec didn’t say anything, but instead went and kneeled in front of him.

“Blueberry,” he said softly. Max blinked, more tears falling, Alec gently reached up and brushed them away with his thumb. “My strong little boy,” Max let out a sob and threw himself into Alec’s arms. 

“You’re supposed to live forever, Daddy,” Max sobbed into Alec’s shoulder. Alec winced at feeling Max clutching his shirt like it was keeping him from flying away. Alec rubbed his back comfortingly. “I can’t lose you. I’m already probably going to lose Rafael and Chris and it’s not fair,” Max shook his head.

“Ssshhhh,” Alec soothed him, but suddenly Max pulled away.

“Did you think of me and Papa when you jumped in front of Rafe? How many times am I going to watch the people I love almost die? How many times is it going to be Rafael in a hospital bed from a demon attack and I’m going to have to wonder if this is the time he doesn’t wake up? And what about Chris. That stupid ginger who I have loved for half my life? How am I expected to watch him die one day?” 

Alec didn’t know how to answer that because, honestly, he did not know. He’d lost his father, but the thought of losing Rafael, even after 80+ years of life, wasn’t something Alec was ready for, and he doubted he ever would be.

“I don’t know, kiddo. I really don’t. If he or Chris chose mortality, it’s going to hurt when they die. But we already knew that,” Alec said as he pulled away so he could look at Max. Max looked so tired and broken that Alec pulled him back into his arms and Max didn’t argue, burying his face into his neck.

“Is it going to hurt forever,” Max asked weakly. 

Alec thought about all the people Magnus had lost and how he still thought about his mother and still had nightmares about Ragnor. Alec knew that the answer to his son’s question was no, they would never stop grieving the mortals they loved and lost. He thought about Jace and Clary, Izzy and Simon, Maryse, his brother Max, and Lydia, and all the other Shadowhunters and Downworlders he loved. 

“I don’t think it hurts this much forever, but yes Maxie, I think we will miss the ones we love forever when they’re gone,” Alec admitted. He pulled away again, looking at Max, saying “You know, when I first met Papa and thought we didn’t have forever, it didn’t stop us from loving each other. In fact, I think it made us love each other…more is the wrong word…” he said thinking. “It made us love each other harder. Trying to get in as much love for as long as we can. And I think we still do, because as you saw the past few days, tomorrow can be taken from us, but if we love as much and as hard as we can everyday, then, if our number is up one day, there will be no doubt that we were loved and that we loved.” Max looked at him, blinking slowly. “So yes, it’s going to hurt, but not taking risks in love and not loving with all that you have…that’ll hurt far worse.” 

Max nodded, tears still shining his eyes. Alec wiped his sons cheeks then looked him in the eyes. 

“I haven’t had the chance to thank you. Papa told me you saved me. That if it weren’t for you I would not have made it. Thank you, Blue, for being brave and strong. I’m grateful and so, so proud.” Max didn’t know how to respond and just stared at his father who kissed his forehead before looking back at him again. “Come on. You need sleep,” Alec said, “Tomorrow, we’ll talk a little more about how you’re feeling and why my happy kid got so angry and hurtful towards his brother, who you definitely need to apologize to. No one loves you like that kid in there does. He would do anything for you, Maxie, so you need to apologize to him. He did nothing wrong. You know that, right?” Alec asked as he stood. 

Max stood up slowly as well nodding, “Yeah, I know it wasn’t his fault,” Max admitted. 

Alec smiled softly, “Okay, let’s go to bed.” 

Alec put his hand on Max’s back to lead them but then stopped, causing Max to stop and look at him.

“And there is nothing I do, no choice I make, that doesn’t include thoughts of you and Rafe and Papa. Jumping in front of that demon, of course you two were thought of, and the conclusion was Rafael deserved more time. Together the three of you would figure it out if I didn’t make it,” Max shook his head, but as Alec continued to the bedroom, Max following. 

When they got there Alec stopped short with a smile, Magnus was sitting up quietly waiting, Rafael was sleeping on the bottom of the bed, using his arms as a pillow. Max smiled softly at them before looking up at Alec, who said,

“Mmm, I get dibs on the place next to Papa, but you can take either side.” 

Magnus laughed quietly and smiled. Alec knew as much as Magnus would be fine waking up to Max, he’d need to wake up to Alec more. Max nodded, as Alec covered Rafael with a blanket and kissed his hair. 

“I’ll sleep next to you,” he whispered. Alec climbed into bed as carefully as he could without waking his sleeping son. Max crawled in behind him and was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. 

Alec curled into Magnus who wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck, nuzzling into it. Alec wrapped his arm around Magnus’s waist and inhaled his husband’s scent deeply. The smell of safety and home, one Alec would always treasure.

“Not to be cheesy, but how did I get so lucky?” Alec whispered. 

Magnus rolled his eyes, 

“Dork,” Magnus replied, smirking. “And, you got lucky thanks to me,” he claimed. Alec raised his eyebrows in amusement.

“Oh is that so,” Alec said quietly so as not to wake up the boys. 

“Mmhmm! Without me, you’d be married to Lydia,” Magnus said with a playful look of disgust since they were friends with Lydia. “And you’d still have no fashion sense,” he winked. Alec playfully swatted his ass causing Magnus to chuckle quietly.

“I mean you are right, I suppose. Not about the fashion sense, but…everything else,” Alec agreed, smiling sweetly. 

“Yeah. A hot man comes into my club and takes out a few Circle members, mmm” Magnus purred. “And then turns out you’re actually an interesting person too!” 

Alec gasped indignantly, narrowing his eyes, “I can go sleep on the couch, mister, so watch it,” he teased until he saw Magnus’s face fall slightly. “Hey, no, no, I was just joking, I’m not going anywhere.” Magnus smiled weakly and nodded, kissing Alec deeply. “I love you, Magnus,” Alec breathed softly.

“Aku cinta kamu, Alexander,” Magnus replied before falling asleep, knowing when he woke up, his family would all be there.

 

1 If anyone would like a one shot of that story let me know in the comments


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